so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
