dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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