theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
