hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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