I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
