Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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