wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
