the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
