I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Terrible idea I love it
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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