just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
