you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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