i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
