I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
