Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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