I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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