Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
