after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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