very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
