Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
organizing the empties. That sober.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
