it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
