Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
