shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
