i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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