My liver just broke up with me...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
