Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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