Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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