Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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