Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
