I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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