I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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