Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
