I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
