you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
