I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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