i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
MIDGETS
????
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
