insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
