I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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