There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
