it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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