So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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