Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
