apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
false alarm. still invincible.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
