my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
