all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
