So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Damn victory sex feels great
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