Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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