I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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