you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
