take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
