i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
