i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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