"it" just moved
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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