I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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