Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I wear drunk well.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
